Pacify Her

Be it a thumb or a pacifier, babies need to suck. It's essential for their brain development and provides them a way to self sooth if needed.
C is five and still loves her pacifier (paci). I want her to have anything she needs to comfort herself. Partly because it is something I feel was absent in my life as a child and also, I believe that children should be allowed to dictate the pace of certain events in their lives, nursing and sleeping by themselves, for example. I don't care what other people think about her or me in regards to her using her paci, lots of kids have their thumbs, a blankie or a teddy bear that they suck on as their comforting object. But, here's the rub, it's the one issue in our family that causes more irritation and arguments between me and husband, husband and C, C and me. Husband tells her, she's five now and doesn't need it. I say, we shouldn't judge what a person needs by what their age is.

She carries it around in her mouth, half hanging out while she talks so that we can't understand what she is saying and her dentist has informed her and us of the consequences of continuing to use it. We are frantic if we can't find it for her, annoyed when she whines for it and, by now, in slight awe of how stubbornly she will withhold listening to reason. And now, despite trying to limit where she can have it, a chart with rewards at the end of the week for not having it during the day, gently reminding her to leave it in her room, telling her several times a day to, "take your paci out of your mouth when you are talking", we have made little to no headway in helping her move past this habit. I am no longer gentle and understanding. I am irritated and frustrated.

I know I have made so many mistakes in the process. I have broached the subject with her and done trial runs, only to have her sob and tell me she loves it, it makes her feel good and she can't do it. Seriously, this kills me. I haven't followed through with threats, haven't been consistent with rewards, have argued and stood my ground with husband on her behalf. It's not a pretty picture. I keep thinking, what has happened in her life so far that she needs it so much? Where have I failed to make her feel comforted and safe? I couldn't bear to take away something she needs that much. I'm afraid it will traumatize her for life and she will compensate for it later on in destructive ways. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this issue causes me so much stress, it's like her whole life hangs in the balance. I don't know why. But, I do know that it's time. I am going to have to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for the fall out. I will have to let her be sad, stand my ground and assure her that she will be ok without it. We also going to bribe her. I cringe that it's come to this. I have told her that for every day that she goes without it, we will buy her a present, a toy, clothes, shoes, whatever. Obviously, we haven't completely lost our minds, there is a price cap and a loose end date to this process....
I suppose this is an instance where we, as parents, have to disappoint and take away something from our child for the greater good. These situations have come up before and I have gladly taken them on knowing that my discipline was beneficial to her and to our relationship. This does not feel like that. I am taking this on not knowing if what I'm doing is right or if it will damage our relationship. We start over again tomorrow. I'm dreading the process, it's tiring, draining and frankly, it totally sucks.